Sunday, April 20, 2008

I guess it's because of the stress mainly- it's because that I skipped meals since yesterday morning that resulted to this. I awoke at 5 am today and threw up. I didn't make it to the loo; I tripped halfway through my bedroom door when it all came up and out. I felt slightly feverish and admittedly, tears welled up in the corner of my eyes. I am too vulnerable and fragile. There, in the dark I was, and everyone was sleeping and dreaming of what dreams I don't know but they must be good, for I could hear Dad snore and I knew brother all too well for him to not sleep well. But she was up and awake. I realised there's a person there in the dark, too, only obscured by the wooden door. I suddenly remember mom's habit of waking up real early daily, even on a Sunday, to prepare herself for prayers. Yes, mom is always there, literally...
"Mom...." I called out to her in a weak voice. She didn't hear, not too surprising for at that moment I felt that I couldn't hear myself too. I squeezed my eyes; my stomache hurt real bad and it was not too long before I threw up again. This time I felt hopeless. "Mom...!" I tried again, meekly yet she could hear me this time round. I noted a hint of panic in her voice when she answered and before I knew she was bursting out of her room and fussing all over me after seeing the vomit. I was too weak to decline any fuss, which I usually do, as she helped me up to the loo to wash myself. She stayed there and grabbed a pail and a bottle of fabuloso as she mixed water and soap together. She even wiped the puke for me and ordered me in a motherly fashion for me to eat. But I didn't straightaway. I stayed there and looked at her.
This woman here, whom birthday I had almost forgotten, whom these past few days I had been a little irate to because of the stress, who showed no crass remark when wiping the foul-ordoured vomit, this woman here I can never repay. Even when I lose myself in this journey she is always there to bring back the me that I have misplaced. I admit that I huffed at the sight of our piling assignments and did just that later in the morning but without hope this time, when mom came in the room and said in Malay "You must learn to take care of yourself. You know, humans are like cars and drivers. We are the drivers and the car's our life. Even if you hire the best driver and the best car, at some point in time they'll have to stop eventually before starting again. What will happen if they don't stop? An accident of course. Car-crash."
Mom and her analogies. They never fail to open my eyes. I felt like crying then- I know, I am a little soft inside, so yeah....
This post is to share with you guys. It's rather personal but you guys are like my family already. So work hard, but don't forget yourself. You as the driver play an important role in your own life. I know it's been a crazy week what with those mountainous assignments but like Melt said, don't die yet ok? Melt, thanks for the sweet post. It means alot. To Ashlyn, thank you for spending your time posting our assignments on this blog when you could have been doing your homework. Everyone, thanks for not being selfish =) Arigatou Gozaimasu! Together we can make it through these challenges...! :)


p/s: i love you, mom....

with love,
fara



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